The Trouser Legs of Time

2 Sep

Sometimes I find myself caught up in ‘what-ifs’, what Terry Pratchett calls the trouser legs of time. Not necessarily in a wistful way – sometimes in a ‘whoa, that would suck’ kind of way.

Let’s start with ‘What if I had studied harder at college and got better A level grades?’ 

Oddly, this one wouldn’t make that much of a difference. I got into the university I wanted and the course I wanted.

Which leads us to ‘What if I had made more friends at uni, studied harder, and slept through less lectures?’

I could have been a teacher for seven years by now! Weird. Also, I would never have met my ex.

Which leads us to ‘What if my ex hadn’t broken up with me?’

To be fair, I would be pretty miserable. I was devastated at the time, but our particular mesh of mental illnesses did not complement each other at all. Also, as a result of our breakup, I was at my mum’s house one day when a neighbour came over to ask if any of Mum’s children would like a summer job…

‘What if I hadn’t worked for the NHS?’

Then I wouldn’t have been on a Southampton City Primary Care Trust Christmas party that collided with a Southampton University Hospitals Trust Christmas party, which was largely insignificant except that I met my fiance that night.

These are just some of the ways my mind goes. Sometimes it can get pretty dizzying, considering all the possibilities.

Like, ‘What if I’d won more games recently?’

Then the table wouldn’t look like this:

Table top games

Orphen’s been on a roll lately

Currently reading:

The Lies of Locke Lamora by Scott Lynch
“‘You wound us, Madam,’ said Calo. ‘We’re harmless as kittens.’
‘More so,’ said Galdo. ‘Kittens have claws and piss on things indiscriminately.'”

Mastiff by Tamora Pierce

Shirley by Charlotte Brontë*

Out of Sight, Out of Time by Ally Carter

Hexed by Kevin Hearne*

Sourcery by Terry Pratchett

Completed since 12/3/2014 (37)

Snuff by Terry Pratchett*
Persuasion by Jane Austen*
The Colour of Magic by Terry Pratchett*
By the Pricking of My Thumbs by Agatha Christie*
Terrier by Tamora Pierce
Animorphs: The Invasion by K A Applegate
Animorphs: The Visitor by K A Applegate
Animorphs: The Encounter by K A Applegate
Animorphs: The Message by K A Applegate
Animorphs: The Predator by K A Applegate
For the Win by Cory Doctorow*
The Light Fantastic by Terry Pratchett*
Animorphs: The Capture by K A Applegate
Animorphs: The Stranger by K A Applegate
Animorphs: The Alien by K A Applegate
Harry Potter y la Piedra Filosofal by J K Rowling
Let’s Pretend This Never Happened by Jenny Lawson
Avengers Prime: Volume One by Brian Michael Bendis and Alan Davis*
I’d Tell You I Love You But Then I’d Have to Kill You by Ally Carter
A Dance with Dragons I: Dreams and Dust by George R R Martin*
Catacombs by Anne McCaffrey and Elizabeth Ann Scarborough*
Equal Rites by Terry Pratchett
Percy Jackson and the Lightning Thief by Rick Riordan*
Justice League of America: The Lightning Saga by Brad Meltzer and Geoff Johns*
Pawn by Aimée Carter*
Northanger Abbey by Jane Austen*
Bloodhound by Tamora Pierce
Cross My Heart and Hope to Spy by Ally Carter
Percy Jackson and the Sea of Monsters by Rick Riordan*
A Dance With Dragons Part 2: After the Feast by George R R Martin*
Don’t Judge a Girl by Her Cover by Ally Carter
Percy Jackson and the Titan’s Curse by Rick Riordan*
Percy Jackson and the Battle of the Labyrinth by Rick Riordan*
Mort by Terry Pratchett
“It struck Mort with sudden, terrible poignancy that Death must be the loneliest creature in the universe. In the great party of Creation, he was always in the kitchen.”

Percy Jackson and the Last Olympian by Rick Riordan*
“‘Percy,’ my mom said. ‘I give you my blessing.’
‘Be safe, brother!’ Tyson pleaded.
‘Enchiladas!’ Grover said. I wasn’t sure where that came from, but it didn’t seem to help much.”

Only the Good Spy Young by Ally Carter
“The Operatives realized they were about to have a very hostile encounter with a very angry teacher- slash-possible-enemy-agent, so they utilized a number of highly recommended covert tactics.
1. Operative McHenry said, “Are you ready yet? Are you ready yet? Are you ready yet?” in rapid succession until Operative Sutton was, in fact, ready”

Hounded by Kevin Hearne*
“Monty Python is like catnip for nerds. Once you get them started quoting it, they re constitutionally incapable of feeling depressed.”

*First Read


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